Hello Richard! I like your new film
Ooh yes, it’s very good, isn’t it?
It’s better than I thought it’d be.
That’s exactly what I thought! I thought I wasn’t going to like it at all, but I went with the grandchildren and we had a really good time.
What attracted you to Cockneys Vs Zombies?
Well, I don’t often get the chance to play someone of my age. I’ll be 80 in January, so I was playing this silly old fool in an old people’s home. I was having a very nice time because the sun came out, and I was in a deckchair doing bugger all. And then people started shouting “There’s a zombie! The zombie’s after you!” It was lovely for me because zombies are very very slow, so that suits me perfectly.
By my calculations, you killed seven zombies during the film. Is that your highest onscreen kill-count?
Yes! I’d only killed five people before in … oh dear, what was that? I’m just going to check with my wife … oh yes, Midsomer Murders! I think I got about four or five of them in that. I was a mad vicar. Suddenly in the past two or three years I’ve popped up to play these terrible killers. It’s great.
There have been a lot of versus films recently. Have you seen any of them? Have you seen Monsters Vs Aliens?
No I haven’t.
Alien vs Predator?
No. I’ve got to get hold of that.
Strippers vs Werewolves?
Bloody hell.
You’ve been acting for 50 years now. Do you have any unfulfilled ambitions?
Not really. I’ve always been one of the few lucky ones. I’ve always had an enormous amount of work. And of course, as you probably know, I suddenly stumbled into Kenneth Branagh and started doing all the Shakespeare stuff. The posh stuff. That was rather nice. It changed my entire life.
How did you meet Branagh? You’ve worked with him an awful lot
Well, my daughter, Lucy Briers, adored him when she was a student, and used to follow him around and be very helpful to him. And then he went and did his season in Stratford and he did Henry V. And my daughter just adored him. She said: “Come and have a chat with him. He must remember you from The Good Life.” We both went round to the stage door, had a very nice chat and from that came Malvolio in Twelfth Night in Hammersmith.
Were you disappointed that he didn’t find a part for you in Thor?
I don’t think there was anything there for me, really.
I don’t know. You’d look quite good in a big helmet and a Nordic waistcoat.
Dressed up as some old ninny. Some extraordinary creature. But, no, he didn’t ask. I’m rather hurt, actually.
Looking back, what have been your best and worst moments as an actor?
It’s terrible. I can’t really remember them. The best was when I was at Rada and I did a play as an old man, a Molière play. It was a very funny, eccentric character, and it was the first big laugh I remember getting. That was 50 years ago. That’s the most exciting thing in the world, to get your first big laugh. So that was very good. But the others? Nothing really. I’ve just sort of stumbled along.
I’ve been reading a lot of interviews with you, and you always seem to bring up your dislike of the word “cool”.
Oh, yes, cool! Well, I don’t like it at all. I think it’s so stupid. I mean, hardly anybody’s cool now. Everyone’s in a shocking state, I think. And everyone’s walking about saying: “Cool man, cool.” That’s bollocks, I think.
What’s next on the horizon for you?
Not much. A couple of voiceovers. Not much about. In the old days at this time of year you did pantomime, which was hell.
Was it? Why?
I mean it’s awful. The place is full of kids, shouting and screaming. But you could make a living from it. I don’t any more. There are thousands of actors now. And nobody puts the money up very well, so most people seem to be quite badly out of work.
What a sad note to end the interview on. Thanks for talking to me.
That’s very kind of you. Have a bloody good Christmas! All the best!
Johnny Lynch 